-LIFE CHANGES-

Hello interwebs. My name is Greg. I'm extremely new to this so bare with me. Ive done by bio so need to ramble about my likes and stuff. So the title. Why 'Life Changes'? Well i recently, about 3 months ago, nearly died from a coma. Was put under thinking I would wake up in an hour and 'slept' for nearly five days. Doctors didnt think I had any chance of surviving it. Told my wife she should think about pulling the plug. I have no memory of this of course, but I know it was hard on my family. Then suddenly, when things seemed hopeless, I began to improve and recover. I woke up. I felt no different than I did before I went under, but friends and family tell me that I went through hell in those five days. Everyone told me that it was a miracle. That I was a miracle. Let me tell you that is some heavy shit to live up to. Hearing that people prayed for you. That strangers through facebook started prayer chains for you. Its not easy to hear. Im not a religious person, nor am i anti-religious either i suppose. I just didnt know how to process all of this. I did not feel myself worthy of this gift. I felt that someone more deserving should have been given this second chance.

But also, when you are given a second chance, there is huge pressure to live up to some standard to prove that you have not wasted it. I didnt know if I could do that. But after a couple days of recovery, I began to get my head out of my ass. I thought about what I wanted to do. What changes did I want to make? Where did I want to go from here? I conveniently had lost my job, as did my wife, so the signs pointed that we needed to make a fresh start. She agreed. But for me, I felt like there was more I needed to change. I didnt want to work in the same customer service arena had for half my life. I didnt want to settle for what was best for others and not myself anymore. For nearly four decades, I have done nothing but put others before myself but never took time to do what I wanted. Not in a selfish way of course, but in a way where I can finally be happy with who I am and what I do.

My mind went back to my stories. Stories I have worked on for nearly 20 years, off and on. I had never thought I could do anything with him. Didnt stop me from creating, but it really had become more of an escape from my reality. But that changed after coma. Since I was bed-ridden during recovery anyway, I began to work on my stories feverishly. My creativity was pouring out of me.  For two months, I felt like there was a chance I might be able to do something with this work.  Then life happened.

We were already living on my savings at this point and it was almost gone. I had been medically cleared to work so it was time to start taking care of my family again. The chains of responsibility were once again latched to my ankles. And with them came the doubts, regrets and overall disenchantment I have been plagued with for so long.  I knew I needed to support my family. They needed me and I was never going to be able to do that working on my stories. I had to go back. For so long, I felt I had to chose one or the other. Never could I do both. And there was resentment in me. Days that were dark and lonely. Why couldnt I simply have it both ways? Why?

Then something changed again for me. I week ago today. I got introduced to someone on Twitter that gave me the push and confidence I needed. First of all, I did not know what a community of writers there are in the Twittersphere. Or is it Twitterverse? Twitterdom? Who cares. Anyway, she read something I had written and hadnt shown anyone outside my immediate family. It was the first time I had allow myself to become vulnerable and bare my soul so to speak. I expected to hear negative reviews when she emailed me back. But that didnt happen. She loved it. Wanted to read more. I honestly never expected that to happen. Im no fool. I dont expect everyone to like my work.  However, this person, who at that time was a complete stranger and had no requirement to give me false praise, really liked it. I was floored. I could not stop smiling.

For these past seven days, I have been hopeful. I got advice on how to publish. I got ideas on how to get my work noticed. I see now that I can have it both ways. I can write and still have to do the things that are necessary to take care of my family. Even now, I am smiling. So to Ann, I wish to say thank you. You will never know how much you have changed my life in such a short amount of time. It seems like sheer luck that I saw you as a suggestion on Twitter that day. Or maybe it was internvetion. Or maybe both. I dont know. But either way, thank you.

So this will end my first blog. It is probably longer than it needs to be. Ill try to prevent that in the future. It was probably overly wordy. Ill work on that too. Thanks for reading, who ever took the time, and in the furture there will be excerpts from my future work. I look forward to the journey